im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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