Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
