Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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