i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was born a porn star she said
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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