i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You are a genius and a whore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
