I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
