Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
