If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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