I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
