I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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