dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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