New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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