Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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