I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
