I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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