You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
