youre lurking in front of me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
