there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock