I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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