So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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