so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
