i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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