sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
