just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
