You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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