You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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