Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
