He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize