I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
