I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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