Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
