ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
