I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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