Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
