i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you just see the Batmobile???
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
