i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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