i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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