neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
