My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
