Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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