She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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