No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
