I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
