Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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