after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
