cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize