he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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