Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
