You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
