my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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