How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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