Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
