i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
