I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
