I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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