he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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