i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sober January is a disaster.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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