i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
