He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
