I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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