got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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