By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
