I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
