So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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