Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
