im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
