I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
