well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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