The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
