AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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