Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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