IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
