please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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