I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
