drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
