I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
