i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
