I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
