she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
