Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
