okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
NoShamevember. You game?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
