ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
