how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
