Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
