You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
