Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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